


W: Wait

by brokxnharry



Series: Teen Wolf A-Z Challenge (with songs) [23]
Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - After College/University, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst with a Happy Ending, Big Brother Stiles Stilinski, Bisexual Stiles Stilinski, Deputy Stiles Stilinski, Derek Hale/Stiles Stilinski in Love, Dialogue Heavy, Domestic Fluff, Editor Derek, Fluff and Angst, Hurt Sheriff Stilinski, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Kid Fic, M/M, Married Melissa McCall/Sheriff Stilinski, Minor Scott McCall/Kira Yukimura, Scott McCall & Stiles Stilinski Friendship, Stiles Has Panic Attacks, Ten Years Later
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-07
Updated: 2017-10-07
Packaged: 2019-01-10 04:10:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 15,408
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12290955
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/brokxnharry/pseuds/brokxnharry
Summary: " It took me ten years to stop punishing myself, by punishing you. To, forgive, maybe, a portion of all the shit that happened, and understand, that I've lost enough. I've sacrificed enough. That, I don't need to give you up too, so that some greater power spares me, or those I love. Even now, ten years later, I'm standing in front of you, and I'm terrified, fucking scared shitless, that something bad will happen, that I'll end up losing you anyway. But I'm here. And I'm not leaving again. It doesn't matter, if I have one day left with you, or, one lifetime. I'll take it. However long it may be, I'm spending it with you."" What if I don't want you to?"Or,Derek comes back, ten years later, and everything changed, but he still feels the same. Stiles doesn't know how to tell him, he's felt nothing else since.





	W: Wait

**Author's Note:**

> Song: What Have We Got To Lose - Aron Wright

His dad's arms were around his neck, his protruding ribs brushing against his skin, sinking a bit further, every time he felt far away, detached. His heartbeat was strong and unwavering, every thud certain, reassuring, sounding like a promise, to remain, to stay. Stiles thought of all the nights he spent in his arms, how his dad was this.. enormous being, a universe all on his own, and how Stiles always felt like he could squeeze himself into his father's being, and belong. As the years went by, his father's arms grew more strained, shaky and unwilling, with all they carried, all they clung to, even after it was long gone. Like his mother's body and the person he thought he'd become with her, for her. There were too many pieces back then, that cut through him, every time he held on too tight. So he let go, of himself, of Stiles, of almost everything. Just for a while. And Stiles had felt all alone, lost in all the empty spaces his mother left behind.

Stiles heard his father's feet –or single foot- making the jump over the final step, with a huff, like he just finished a marathon. Didn't really win, but came close. His father smiled, like that was enough for him. So, Stiles decided it was enough for him too, as he helped him to the dinner table, easing him into his favorite chair, not the one that he collapsed into that one night he'd had too much to drink, and had thrown up everywhere else, and that chair was the only one left somewhat clean. Not the chair that Stiles tripped around, when he was running away from his father's phantom, although, he'd never truly laid a hand on him, no matter how drunk or how angry. No, it was the chair they'd bought together, after they'd thrown out almost everything that was too old, almost unusable, because, it kind of reminded them of themselves. But they didn't need to say that one out loud.

Stiles was patting his father's shoulder, leaning away, now that he was settled, but his father's arms circled around his neck, brought him down enough to plant a wet kiss somewhere in his hair. Stiles could still remember, the first time his father managed to make enough space for him again, cleared things out, thrown away what he no longer needed, and decided, he wanted to carry his son inside him again, wanted to be some kind of home for him. Stiles had been spending the night at Scott's, trying to swallow down his fear and grief and loss, teaching Scott how to play Chess, that he barely even knew how to play himself. It had been late into the night, and Melissa had gone to sleep, before her early morning shift, so they'd snuck out of their room, and went back into the living room, to continue playing. But then, there had been a knock on the door, and they hadn’t had the time, to go back into their room and pretend to be sleeping, before Melissa was shaking her head at them, opening the door to find the sheriff, looking like he'd been crying, or drinking, or both. Melissa had immediately tried to spare the kids, to push the sheriff away, but he had been shaking his head, promising that he'd just wanted to talk, that he no longer wanted to be this person, to do this to his son. She'd believed him, let him in, and he'd collapsed to his knees, pulled Stiles in, and hugged him, for the first time in months. He'd cried and Stiles had too. He'd promised himself to not go away from home for too long, because that **_sucked_**.

" Okay, okay, okay, I love you, old man, but dinner isn't going to make itself." Stiles laughed, his breath tickling his father's cheeks, until he planted another kiss, and let go, drumming his fingers against the table –also new- and radiating with joy and hope and rainbows and sunshine. Or at least, as close as it got to those. Stiles shook his head, started towards the kitchen, but then there was a knock on their door, and his half-brother was wobbling his way towards it, eager and excited and almost as jumpy as Stiles had been as a kid.

" Can you reach the doorknob, kiddo?"

" Sure, can, Flaming-addy."

" What did you just call me?"

" A flamingo joke, dad. One legged bird. You get the reference." Stiles was tilting his head backwards to take in his father's expression, that was easing out of confusion, into clear amusement, but the door was opening, and his brother was still jumping around the heels of his legs, waiting for something to happen, that was more excited than the return of a man they all hadn't seen in probably, eight, maybe, ten years. But he'd never really met him, so Stiles could understand the nonchalance.

" Derek," Derek was smiling in a way that was brand new. Unlike anything Stiles had ever seen on him before. Stiles was moving back into the living room, his dad was turning in his chair, taking in Derek, and how completely altered he looked now.

" Hi, I'm Derek." Derek was crouched down to level with Sawyer –Stiles' half brother-, a hand out, that the little boy took immediately, shook with the most lively grin Derek had ever seen.

" I'm Sawyer." Stiles had his hands on his brother's shoulders, his eyes hungry and eager and wanting more. Wanting so much. Missing and longing and craving.

" Oh man, you have a great name."

" Thank you, Kira chose it for me. She's my brother's wife. They-"

" Okay, Sawyer, how about we leave the chit-chat till after dinner, huh? Are you not starving by now?" Sawyer's eyebrows furrowed, a finger to his mouth, like he was contemplating how hungry he actually was, but then, his stomach rumbled, and he laughed, running back into the house, towards the kitchen, to help set the table, like he was taught to.

" Hey," Derek waved a single hand, standing again. Stiles snorted, throwing his arms around Derek, fascinated by how much bigger and older they both were now, yet, their growth seemed to be in similar proportions, because everything still fit, like it used to.

" Come in, come in, oh my God, have a seat, I'm going to count you in for dinner, be right back." Stiles disappeared into the kitchen, right as Derek closed the front door behind him, turning, to find the sheriff standing on his single leg, the pants rolled up almost to half his thigh, but that was it, where his other leg ended. He had a welcoming, patient, smile across his face, and Derek tried not to stare too long, to breathe past the overwhelming sense of familiarity he found, when the sheriff pulled him into a kind embrace.

" Oh it's so good to see you. We missed you around here." The sheriff was almost losing his balance, by the time he pulled away from Derek, leaving an arm against his shoulder, as he fell back into his chair, so at peace with it all. Derek swallowed, sitting nearby, after taking off his jacket.

" How have you been? How is life treating you?" The sheriff asked, genuinely interested.

" Better. I, uh, travelled for a while, with Cora. Then, she wanted to go to college, and I wanted to find something that was mine. I started this small business, editing and publishing, and all that. Then, I went to college myself, when that started picking up. Opened a library, that was also kind of a café, studying place, a mix of a bunch of things. And, Cora took over, when she was done with college. But she never stays in one place for too long, so she'd go away, and come back. But, yeah. It was good. I can't believe it's been this long, though."

" Crazy, huh? It's been what, nine, almost, ten years?"

" I think so, yes, sir."

" It's like we're not even the same people anymore. So weird, that." The sheriff shook his head, staring at something that Derek couldn't quite find. Felt like he was intruding, by even trying to. But then, Sawyer was running out of the kitchen, with a plate only half-filled with rice, and he was almost tripping, dropping the food everywhere, if it wasn't for the sheriff's reached out, expectant hands.

" Okay, kiddo, I got that one, how about you have a seat? Stiles will get the rest of the plates, hopefully, without spilling any."

" I didn't spill anything." Sawyer frowned, looking offended.

" But you almost did."

" I did **_not_**." Sawyer shook his head, pouted, stubborn in the most familiar of ways.

" Yeah, okay. I'd take it down a notch with that attitude, if I were you." The sheriff rolled his eyes, just as Stiles came out of the kitchen, with two more plates, effortlessly put them down, before carrying his brother, and putting him into the chair, on the other side of the sheriff, ruffling his hair, before going back for the last of the food. Sawyer clung to his irritation, until Stiles put the food in front of him, and he dove right in, forgetting all about it. Stiles sat beside him, to try to catch most of the food he'd drop, before it hit the floor.

" Stiles, can you take me to the pool today?"

" It's going to get dark soon, Sawyer. And I have a night shift later, and,"

" But I want to show Derek that new trick you taught me, **_please_**." Stiles looked away from his brother, cataloguing the thrill around Derek's features, the amusement glowing in his eyes.

" What if Derek doesn't want to go? He has some pretty traumatic memories there."

" What's trau- traumastic? What's that?" Stiles was laughing, staring at Derek through squinted eyes, to find him looking back, his eyebrows raised as if to say _now what are you going to tell him_.

" Basically, I saved Derek's life once, and he's been having trouble admitting it, ever since."

" Saved his life? How?" Sawyer angled himself slightly towards Stiles, fascinated, as he blindly put a spoon to his mouth, chewing whatever made it inside.

" He was going to drown, and I held him up in the pool, for **_hours_**." Sawyer gasped, looked at Derek, to receive a nod of confirmation, before looking at his brother again.

" Derek doesn't know how to swim?"

" No, I do. I just needed a little help that day. And Stiles helped me." There was so much history tucked away in those words, laid down between each pause, so carefully, so that only Stiles could find them. Could understand them.

" So cool." Sawyer said under his breath, taking another spoonful.

" But wait, so are we going to the pool or not?" He asked, when the silence stretched on. Stiles sighed, nodded, because he could never really deny his brother anything.

" Best brother **_ever_**!" Sawyer cheered, put his feet to the chair, and jumped up, losing his balance on his way down, and tilting towards the table. Panic ensued, as everyone started reaching out, to stop him from crashing, or at least, push things out of his way. Derek got to him before he went, face first, into the salad bowl. Derek was wide-eyed, seemingly horrified by how close that was. But the sheriff was groaning, dragging his hands across his face, in clear agitation. Stiles was biting his lips, stifling his laughter, to not somehow, make it seem okay.

" Is that.. is it always like this?" Derek whispered. The sheriff looked up, between his fingers, before he put his hands away, smiling despite himself.

" You have no idea." Then, they were all laughing, and Sawyer was running to his room, to find his trunks.

" I'm going to tell Scott you said that by the way." Stiles called after him, collecting the plates, to take them to the kitchen.

" Tell him I said what? I have no idea what you're talking about. You can't prove anything."

" Self-serving asshole. Honestly, dad, where does he get it?"

" Between you and Scott, kind of hard to trace all that shit to either of you."

" I'm offended, dad. Really, that hurt, right here." Stiles put a finger to his chest, right where his heart was. The sheriff shook his head, but everything about him was trembling, with the laughter he was trying to swallow down. He stood up, hopped till he got to the stairs, denied Derek's help, when he offered, as politely as possible, told him about how used he was to this by now, and Derek nodded, like he understood. When he was just filing things away, to ask Stiles about them later.

He took the final few plates, and walked into the kitchen. Stiles was standing by the sink, putting away all the leftovers, humming some kind of lullaby under his breath, looking so.. domestic, so at home. Derek thought of all the times he pictured exactly this; coming home to a home within a person. A person that felt more like home than home. And he'd spent years and years, morphing all those places into things that he liked, that he wanted to love, but he'd only came home, when he came back, to this, to **_him_**.

" Oh, Derek, put those over here, I got it." Derek inched closer, put the dishes down, but didn't leave. Didn't think he could. So, he started imitating what Stiles was doing, until Stiles started washing the dishes, and giving them over to be dried. And it worked. They still did too.

" Sawyer is a great kid." The smile Stiles gave was instantaneous, vibrant, despite how dimmed out most things about him were.

" He's awesome. I didn't really see him coming, but now, I can't imagine life without him, you know."

" Yeah. I get it." And he did. Or at least, he used to. " So, he's.. the sheriff's kid? With.."

" Oh, yeah, we need to catch you up. Okay, so, dad and Melissa had a thing, like, six years ago, I think. They were at this wedding, and they **_accidentally_** got high. They say it was accidentally, but I think Melissa at least, knew what she was doing. She's a lot more observant than she needs to be, honestly, so I'm calling bullshit on that one. Anyway, there was always sexual tension there, and that night, they finally did it. Three weeks later, Scott calls me, out of his fucking mind, because his mum passed out at work. So, we both head down there, and what do you know, Ms. Mccall is pregnant. With my dad's baby."

" Holy shit," Derek chuckled, taking another plate from Stiles, who laughed along.

" I know, everyone went ballistic for a while there. Like, we were, what, twenty something by then, and we were going to have a baby brother? And every time our minds would stray too far, to what it actually took, to make that baby," Stiles' eyes dramatically widened, a shudder crawling down his spine. Derek laughed harder.

" You're an asshole for enjoying this, by the way." Stiles pointed a wet plate at Derek, shaking it slightly, till there were water drops on the front of Derek's shirt, before shoving it into his chest, turning the drops into a smudge.

" Hey, it's not my fault your dad got down and dirty with Melissa."

" Holy fucking shit, Derek, don't ever say that again. This is some next level type of shit, I don't need that in my head."

" Speaking of head, I wonder if,"

" No, nope, we're dropping this conversation, right now. No more." Derek couldn't remember the last time he'd laughed this much. Couldn't remember the last time he'd felt this.. light, like he could go anywhere, be anyone, and it'd somehow be enough.

" Okay, okay, what happened next?"

" So the pregnancy wasn't as smooth as we'd hoped. Ms. Mccall wasn't all that young, and it was taking a toll on her. It was pretty dangerous, and the doctors started talking about abortions, but Melissa wouldn't take any of it. Shut the conversation down before it ever started. Even when Scott started throwing fits, she took none of it. So, eventually, we gave in, decided to just be there for her. Scott postponed going to college, and I transferred back here. When she was five months pregnant, they decided to get married. She was put on bed rest, but, all the girls helped beautify her, make her feel like an actual bride. Everyone came down for this, Chris, and Isaac, and even Cora."

" No way, really?"

" Yeah, dude, she even got Melissa the most beautiful bouquet. She loved it so much, she refused to throw it at the end of the ceremony." Derek smiled, tried to think of why he'd ever left, when it could have always been this easy, this simple.

" The next day, Melissa was hospitalized. She was bleeding, and they thought the baby was going to die. But Sawyer fought with her till the end, man. He was born nine weeks before the due date. They made dad sign all those forms, to clear the hospital, if, you know, anything bad happened. There was a possibility, that only one of them would come out of this. And, Melissa made sure, everyone knew, that the baby was the priority going in. She said her goodbyes and everything. Like, she was set on not coming back. I don't think Scott ever really forgave her for it. I think, to this day, he's still not over, how easy it was for her to say goodbye, to leave us all behind." The air around them shifted, stank of fear and grief and anger. Derek put a hand on Stiles' shoulder, didn't know what else to do, to ground him somehow. But then, Sawyer was running into the kitchen, showing off his trunks, and Stiles was burying his face into his elbows, to erase all traces of things no child should ever worry about.

" Look at you, those look great. How about you go take a few pictures, to send Scott and Kira, while we finish up here?"

" And mummy too."

" You got it, kiddo. Move along now." Stiles sighed, as soon as Sawyer was far away. He rubbed his eyes almost raw, trying to smile, but it looked all wrong.

" Sorry. It's just been a lot, you know."

" It's okay. I've got this taken care of, you go, get ready, check on your dad, whatever you need to do."

" No, no, it's fine, I,"

" Stiles, come on. It's not a big deal. It's just some dishes, and me." Derek bumped his shoulder into Stiles', pushing him aside a little, already starting on the few utensils left. Stiles stood there, staring at him, like he was waiting for him to vanish, to fade away. Like he'd dreamt this before, had seen it. Derek found some twisted comfort in that, at least it wasn't just him.

" Is it.. is this as odd to you as it is to me?"

" What do you mean?"

" I mean, it's been a decade since we've last been a part of each other's lives. It's not supposed to be this easy, is it? To find our pace? Talk, like, like this? That's not normal, Derek." Derek angled his head towards Stiles, just enough to search his features for any imprints of anger or bitterness or confusion, but there was only curiosity, a need for reassurance.

" No, it's not. But when has it ever been for us? I, to be honest, I'm fucking ecstatic over this. Like, over the moon. But if it's uncomfortable, or, if, it's too weird for you, then we can slow it down. You set the pace, I. I just want to be around you. If I can. I mean, if, if that's okay, and,"

" Stop, of course it is. I would never want you to be anywhere else. If it's okay with you, it's okay with me." Stiles had a hand over Derek's. Derek felt it all the way around his heart.

" It's okay. It's perfect."

" Alright, then. I'm going to get ready." Stiles was so close, he could see all the faded cracks in Derek's lips, all the little hairs framing them, every rise and fall. He leaned in, leaned down, almost touched, but didn't. He let his lips fall onto Derek's cheek instead, feeling his skin burning beneath the surface. He had to detach himself, before he sank too deep, fell in a way he hadn't fallen in years.

So, he pushed against Derek, as tenderly, as cautiously, as he could, before he went to his room, to change into suitable clothes for the pool. He took a jacket for him, and another for Sawyer, in case it got too cold after sunset. He went into his father's room, to find him asleep, with the phone in his hand, like he was awaiting a call. Probably from Melissa. He put a blanket around him, knowing how cold his limbs normally got, before closing the door behind him, walking back to the kitchen, where he heard Sawyer's voice, telling some story, that had Derek laughing to the point of breathlessness. Eyes squeezed shut, hands around his chest and stomach, like he was trying to keep them from seizing up, head thrown back, then forward, until it fell onto Sawyer's shoulder, who looked proud. And he should be. Very few people could put something this joyful, this content, into the world, and Sawyer did that. So fucking effortlessly.

" Can we go now? It's going to get dark soon." Sawyer asked, almost vibrating with excitement. Stiles nodded, helped him down from that counter. Derek was wiping beneath his eyes, occasionally chuckling to himself. Stiles could kiss his brother in gratitude. But he wouldn't. Not while he was awake to call him out for it at least.

Derek collected his few belongings, following Stiles and Sawyer out of the house. They decided to walk there, Sawyer walking ahead, stopping by the flowers and the trees and the stray animals and pretty much anything that caught his attention. Which was almost everything. Stiles watched on, falling in love with the world he saw in his brother's innocent eyes. He tried not to take in the weight of Derek's arms, every time they brushed against his own, pulling away for barely a moment, before touching again.

" So, what happened with the birth? Or, after."

" You still want to hear about that?"

" Sure. About whatever you want to talk about."

" Weird." Stiles laughed, thinking of all the times Derek threatened him into silence, whining about headaches and noise and useless pieces of information. He looked willing enough now though, so Stiles would take it.

" So, there were complications. Sawyer wasn't breathing at first, so they put him in the NICU, said the first 24 hours would be crucial."

" And Melissa?" Derek asked, when he felt Stiles, slipping away.

" Fell into a coma. She wouldn't stop bleeding. There was.. when the doctors and nurses came out, it looked like a murder scene. A bloodbath. It was, God, awful. And Scott was just, losing it. They wanted to give him a sedative, put him to sleep. Thinking about it now, there could have been a dozen of dog jokes to make, but it would have been insensitive, don't you think?" It had to have been draining, to always try to insert humor, into the most traumatic experiences possible. Derek appreciated the effort though, so he snorted, pushed into Stiles' shoulder, instead of simply brushing against it.

" Yeah, I would definitely say so."

" Yeah. Dad spent those twenty four hours by Sawyer's side. Praying, for the first time, since, mum, maybe. Scott and Kira stayed with Melissa. And I was just.. there. I didn't know who to stay with, because I didn't know which of these losses would have hit me less. Like, whose last few moments should I be there for? Who deserves the goodbye more than the other? Which of them, would I hate myself less, for not saying goodbye to? It was trippy. Like, really, fucked up. But Sawyer is a badass, and before those 24 hours passed, he was breathing on his own. It took Melissa 3 days to wake up, but it took Scott maybe 3 weeks to come anywhere near Sawyer. He just couldn't keep it together, couldn't stop crying, because he came so close to losing his mum, and for absolutely no logical reason, he blamed this baby for it." Stiles looked bitter, angry, like a little piece of him, still resented Scott, for mistreating Sawyer, for not being there, when he should have been. It melted away, before Derek could even ask him about it.

" Then one night, Sawyer was crying, non-stop. Dad was at the station, and Melissa had barely fallen asleep, so it was either me or him. I was pretending to be asleep, because I just, wanted him to give Sawyer a chance. Scott was miserable, when he went into that nursery. But, as soon as he carried Sawyer, he stopped crying. He didn't sleep, didn't take his bottle, didn't need a diaper change, nothing. He just, kept looking up at Scott, like he was getting to know him. And Scott was hooked, couldn't even remember why he ever thought he could resist him. I mean, look at him, if you thought Scott has some mean puppy dog eyes, Sawyer's are a killer. I can't say no to the kid, to save my life, it's pathetic, really." Derek smiled, nodded, decided that he probably wouldn't be able to deny him anything either, if he ever asked.

" How old is he now?"

" Five, and four or so months." Derek thought of all he'd missed of this kid's life. All he'd missed in all their lives, in them.

" What about you, though?"

" Well, it took me a while, to find my footing after leaving. I was kind of a mess, for maybe a year. I wasn't all human, but wasn't all werewolf, and it fucked with my head. When I finally got a grip on all that, I tried to find jobs online, I wanted to avoid human contact as much as possible. So, I took on a few editing jobs, when those worked out, I started my own business, proof-reading and editing and publishing."

" You always did have a thing for reading." Stiles hummed in understanding. Derek tried not to wonder what else he remembered of him. What sense he could still make of him.

" Yeah, but I'm not a businessman, I never would be. I just liked doing this, and I wanted to get better at it, so I went to school, and handed things over to Cora. Now, college was a whole other thing I was unprepared for." Stiles snorted then, eyes glistening in mischief.

" You? Not fitting in with college kids? Who would have thought," Derek rolled his eyes, taking in the amusement painted across Stiles' features. It was a good look on him.

" Okay, alright, anyway, when that was done, I went back to work, saw how much Cora was loving it -Cora loved probably everything she did, since we left. It drove me crazy, how easy it seemed to be for her. So, I let her handle the business side of things, and opened this tiny library for myself, bought an apartment in the same building, and just stayed there, for the past five years, I think." Stiles nodded, looking contemplative, nostalgic. Sawyer walked back towards them, took each of their hands, when they came to a cross-road. Once they safely got to the other side, he let go, rushed past them again, before Derek could think of the weight of his small hand between his, and how he didn't need to think, before latching onto Derek, like he was always supposed to.

" So, it was, just you and Cora? All this time, you never, you know, you didn't talk about friends, or, neighbors, or,"

" Dates?" Derek heard the stutter in Stiles' breathing, but didn't call him out for it. Stiles nodded, clenching his shoulders, like he was preparing himself for something he didn't really want to hear.

" I went on a few dates, yeah. College friends, sometimes, less-than-graceful set-ups from Cora, but nothing too serious, no. It wasn't something I purposely seeked out, or anything, wasn't exactly on my mind. If it happened, it happened, if not, then that was okay too."

" Well, that sucks." Stiles didn't really look like he meant it.

" It does? Why?"

" Because you were meant to be happy, you know. Wasn't this the point of you leaving at the first place? To find everything you deserve? Something that you love doing and someone you love doing it with? Right?"

" I did find a lot of those things. I found, almost, everything I was looking for."

" No, but that's not true, if you're still all alone, if you still can't let people in, can't trust yourself to not hurt them, to keep them safe. You haven't found **_that_**."

" Did it ever cross your mind, that maybe I wasn't looking for that? That I didn't need or want to?" Stiles' step slowed into a complete halt. He stood there, staring at Derek, his mouth opening and closing like his words were stuck somewhere between his staggering breaths.

" Stiles? Are you okay? Why did we stop?" Sawyer sounded so.. far away, like he was calling out from another dimension, another lifetime where Derek had never left, and Stiles had never broken his heart over him. But then, he was standing between them, tugging at Stiles' shorts, like he was trying to bring him back.

" Wh- huh? Yeah, what is it, kiddo?" Stiles' fingers moved through his brother's hair, his other hand wrapped around him, like things were fading out around them, and he just needed to keep his brother from going away too.

" You stopped walking. Is it bad air again? Should I call dad?"

" No, no, I'm alright. Really. Look, I'm breathing just fine." Stiles inhaled, held it in, to make sure the air wouldn't trip around itself, when he exhaled. Sawyer still looked weary, as he took Stiles' hand, and started walking again, wanting to remain close, in case Stiles needed him. Stiles could have cried, in fact, he came pretty close, but he wasn't that person anymore. He hadn't been in a long, long time.

" Should I- do I need to- maybe I should go." Derek didn't follow, didn't know if he was welcomed anymore.

" Don't be silly, come on, the pool is just around the corner." Stiles tilted his head backwards, forcing a smile around his lips, but it fell short. Derek sighed, started walking again, but lingered behind, giving them space to just.. **_be_**. The way they had been, through all the years he chose to take away from them.

Sawyer took off his shirt, jumped straight into the water, as soon as they got to the pool. It was completely empty, because of how late it was, probably. Stiles spread out a towel across two chairs, didn't bother to elaborate or welcome or invite. He wanted it to be Derek's choice, to sit so close, to allow himself the sense of inclusion, of belonging. And he was trying. He really was. So, he sat by Stiles' side, crossed his legs, and catalogued all the lines in Stiles' knee, exactly how it felt, resting against his own.

" Sawyer said, uh, bad air? Did he mean, panic attacks? Did you ever have one, with him around?"

" I did. Twice, actually. Once, when he was maybe two and a half, dad told me about this new law, concerning buildings that haven't been lived in for five or more years. And how, the state was going to take ownership of these lands, they were going to demolish those houses and buildings, and then re-sell the pieces of land, as just that. Something about added worth, I don't know. But, the Hale property was on that list. And. Yeah."

" Stiles," Derek whined, his hand desperate to pull that pain he reeked of, all that sorrow, that wasn't his. Didn't belong to him.

" I've always had trouble letting go of things, and we had some good times there. So many memories. And it felt like I was losing another piece of you. Losing you, all over again. And it took a lot out of me, to even lose you that first time."

" Did they,"

" No. Dad helped forge a few documents, that said that you occasionally came back, every few years, for vacationing purposes. We took turns, moving around the house a bit, to make it look lived in. And it worked."

" I'm sorry."

" No, it's not your fault. This place was killing you, you had to get out, I get it. I understand."

" No, I, I'm sorry. About leaving, and what I said earlier, and," He didn't know how to say _everything_. He was sorry for everything.

" It's just kind of crazy, hearing you say things like that. You, we spent all those years together, we were all those things to each other, and it was never like that. You could never say.. say anything, really."

" I didn't know I had to. I didn't know how."

" Yeah. I kind of needed you to though. Not always, but. Sometimes, I needed to hear it, needed to know I wasn't just, imagining all of this. It wasn't all in my head."

" It wasn't. It was never in your head, Stiles. It still, isn't." Stiles' eyes moved across Derek's face, stilling right between his eyes, and Derek prayed that whatever it was he needed, whatever he was looking for, that he'd find it there.

" The second time, was when dad had his accident. That was a big one. I was hospitalized for the night." Stiles was so detached, so shut off, and Derek tried not to blame this version of Stiles, for not trusting him. For stripping **_his_** Stiles of all that he was, all that made him familiar and safe.  

" Jesus Christ, is that what happened, with his leg?"

" Yeah. Barely a year ago. It was.. rough, to tell you the truth. Kind of brutal, but it's better now. It's, yeah, we're getting better."

" What happened? If, you know, if you want to talk about it."

" I haven't talked like this in so long. I don't even know why I'm telling you all that." Stiles chuckled, but it echoed with self-depreciation, with misery. Derek hated that Stiles' laughter could make that sound.

" You're.. you're different now."

" What do you mean?"

" You're rough, in a way, that you weren't before. You were always strong, and brave, but now, there's this.. hard shell around you. You're closed off, and. I don’t know how to,"

" What did you expect? It's been ten years, Derek. What, you expected to go, find yourself, and all the things you love and want to do, and then come back here, when your life is what you want it to be, and find things waiting for you? Find people, untouched, and, expectant? Because that's not how it works. Time goes by, people go through shit, and they change. They, they can't help it. It just happens. Everything just happens to people and they're left with whatever comes out of it." Stiles was recoiling away, every time Derek reached out, tried to find a thread of him to tug at, to cling to, so that he wouldn't stray away too far. So that Derek wouldn't completely lose him.

" Stiles, I didn't mean it like that, I,"

" I don't owe you myself, Derek. I don't owe you who I am or am not. I don't- I didn't promise to be the same. I promised to still be **_here_**. And I am. I'm still here, but, it's not. It's not enough?" Stiles was standing. Derek could hear his bones cracking, his knees colliding into one another, everything about him so unsteady.

" It is. Of course it is, please, just hear me out, let me explain,"

" Shit happens, Derek. Shit never stopped happening. You just stopped being there for it. And I stopped being okay. I stopped- I just stopped."

But Stiles was right. Things never stopped happening. Because something sounded like it was breaking, then falling, then, there were no sounds at all. And when Stiles tore his eyes away from Derek, he couldn't see Sawyer. Couldn't find him. Couldn't stop his awkward jump into the pool, and how him breaking the surface of the water, left marks on his skin. He didn't think, didn't have time to, as his eyes searched the water, his arms and legs kicking everywhere around him, until he saw his brother's body, floating around a red cloud. Stiles thought he finally cracked then, finally cried. He could probably cry this pool into a flood, if he let himself.

Stiles surrounded his brother's body, pushed against the water with all the fight left in him, until there was air flooding his strained lungs, and his brother was bleeding onto him, instead of into the water. Derek was standing there, leaned as far as his body would allow him, and Stiles let him take the motionless weight of his brother, until he pushed himself out of the pool, and dropped to the ground. He wouldn't think of paralyzing, murderous lizards, or, cars shattering people to death, because his brother didn't make that sound when he fell. No. Nothing was happening. They were out of the water. They were **_out_**.

" Oh my God, oh God, he's bleeding. There's blood. Sawyer, kiddo, come on, wake up. Don't do this to me. Please God. Don't do this, Sawyer, open your eyes, come on." Stiles was pushing Sawyer's sticky hair away from his face, shaking so terribly, he couldn't register Sawyer's chest, as it rose and fell.

" He's okay, Stiles. His heartbeat is strong and steady. He's going to be okay." A sound of despair fell past his lips, the cries strangled and cracked as they poured out of him. He was coming undone, laying his forehead against his brother's, not wanting his brother to drown, under the weight of his sorrow and grief and anxiety. But he couldn't carry it all by himself anymore. He just couldn't.

Sawyer was blinking the darkness away. Things were hazy, and unclear, until he felt drops of something against his skin, and wondered if he was still swimming. But his brother was there, almost completely covering him, trembling and crying and breaking. That was what it sounded like. Like someone was breaking apart.

" Stiles? Wh, what happened? What's wrong?" Stiles cried harder, his breathing sounding harsher, every time a cry came out, instead of an exhale.

" We, I- I need to get you to the hospital. I- I'm so sorry, Sawyer. I-"

" Don't cry, Stiles. Why are you crying?" Sawyer was trying to push against him, to get himself away from his shaky weight, but Stiles was too far gone.

" Stiles," Derek put a hand on Stiles' back, tried to stabilize him, but he choked, shook his head.

" I can't. I- I **_can't_**." Just like that, Sawyer's tiny hands, were on Stiles' face, pulling it away from where it was trying to hide, his fingers moving across Stiles' cheeks, wiping tears away.

" It's going to be okay. We'll breathe together, like dad told us to, remember?" Stiles' eyes squeezed shut, the scent of agony, of shame, coating everything else. But he nodded, tried not to cry, but he did. Derek moved around them, cut through Sawyer's disregarded shirt, and wrapped the fabric around Sawyer's head, to stop the bleeding. To find some kind of use for himself.

Stiles peeled his eyes open, took in the streak of blood on his brother's forehead, how his blue eyes were inflamed around the edges, and how despite all that, his hands were certain and fearless and caring. So fucking caring, it kind of left him in awe, of this little strong man, he got to call his brother. So, Stiles tried to smile too, felt like he owed him at least that.

" Okay, find us a cab, Derek, we need to take him to the hospital." Stiles' breathing still hitched, fell away, between almost every word. But Derek nodded, ran out the gate, until he managed to stop a cab. He ran back in, carried Sawyer, and waited.

" Go, take him and go, I'll be right behind you."

" Stiles,"

" I'm fine, Derek. Just wait in the cab." Derek heard the lie, through the restrained breaths Stiles let out. He obliged anyway, resting Sawyer across the backseat, letting his head drop somewhere by his chest, cautiously taking his pain, until he fell asleep. Stiles got into the passenger seat without a word, still sounding like he was going under.

When they got to the ER, Stiles took Sawyer's legs, carried him, like he had to do it, many times before. He walked in, asked for Melissa, and refused to sit, even when his knees almost buckled beneath him. He caught himself, caught his brother, postponed the giving out of his body, like he had control over it. It took Melissa maybe three minutes, before she was rushing towards them, stunned to a halt, when her eyes fell on Derek, but then she smiled, approached them, and pulled him into an almost desperate hug. Derek wondered why they ever bothered, leaving all those empty spaces for him, even after all those years.

" Okay, what happened here?" Stiles only released Sawyer, when Melissa pushed a gurney towards him. She brought a small light, and directed it into Sawyer's eyes. He groaned, whispering something like _five more minutes_. Derek felt the worry, slowly dispersing from his chest.

" I think he slipped, hit his head and fell into the pool. He was unconscious, for a few minutes, but he was still breathing. I'm so sorry, Mel, I don't know how it happened." Stiles was running a hand across his face. Melissa took in the tremble in them, looked at Derek, then back at Stiles, before she put her own hands over his, pulling them away, leaving him exposed, cornered.

" It wasn't your fault. No one can ever stop this kid from ending up back here, at least once a week. It's okay. He's okay. Now, are you? You don't look so good." Stiles nodded, but it was jerky, all wrong. Melissa slid her hand against his face, taking in how cold his skin felt, before she pulled him into an embrace, that wasn't as desperate as Derek's. It was something else completely. Something more. Stiles started smelling like himself again.

" I'm going to get you all wet." Stiles mumbled against her shoulder, but made no effort to pull away.

" I don't care." And that was that.

Melissa eventually took Sawyer into a room to fix him up, leaving Stiles and Derek to drop into their respective chairs in the waiting room. Derek didn't know what to do with himself, didn't know how to fit himself around this Stiles; that wasn't his Stiles, but was still, kind of, Stiles. Stiles' phone was ringing, howl at the moon by we the kings, which, made Derek want to laugh, except, he wondered whose ringtone that was, if it wasn't his. Wondered how many wolves Stiles felt comfortable enough to have inside jokes with. Wondered why he couldn't smell any of them, on his person.

" Hey, Scott," Stiles finally answered his phone. Derek couldn't stop the grin curving around his lips.

" Dude, I've been calling for a while now, why weren't you picking up?" God, Scott sounded exactly the same. Derek could have believed, that time hadn't passed at all.

" Wasn't paying attention, sorry."

" What's wrong? Are you okay?"

" Yeah. Yeah, I'm fine. Sorry, just tired, I guess."

" Didn't you have yesterday off?"

" I did."

" Then, how come you're still tired?"

" I just am, Scott. I'll be fine, I'll take a nap if it's a slow shift tonight, it's fine. So, are you done with classes for today?"

" I am, but I'm waiting for Kira, because she has this presentation that she was nervous about."

" Tell her I said hey, and that she has nothing to worry about, she'll kick ass, as always."

" Will do." Derek could almost hear the smile in Scott's voice.

" So, we'll talk later?"

" Oh, no. I'm not hanging up until you tell me what's really going on." Stiles groaned then, rubbed at his eyes in frustration.

" Fine. We're at the hospital, because Sawyer hurt himself on my watch, **_again_**."

" What? Holy shit, what happened? Is he okay? Are you okay? How bad is it?"

" We were by the pool, and I- I looked away for like a minute, and next thing I know, he's in the water, bleeding, and passed out."

" Oh my God, Stiles. Do you- do you think I should catch a flight home? Because I can. I will, if you need me to."

" I know you will, buddy. It's not necessary, honestly. Melissa is in there with him, but she said he's fine. He even woke up and talked to me and everything. It's all good. I just hate when this shit happens to him, you know."

" I know. I know, Stiles. But he's okay, you got to him, right? So that's what matters." He got to Derek too. But the weight around his shoulders, remained. Never let up.

" Yeah. You're right."

" Your breathing sounds kind of, weird. Maybe you should let mum check you over too, just in case."

" Get out of my head, already," Stiles whined. Scott laughed through the phone, but it was still kind of weary, kind of fearful.

" We're brothers. Officially now. I have to know these things. So, panic attack?"

" Yeah." Stiles sighed, smelling of shame again, of regret.

" How bad was this one?"

" Not too bad. I was just overwhelmed. I'm okay."

" I'm sorry I'm not there to help out, Stiles."

" Yeah, okay, if you're going to start with this again, I'm going to hang up now."

" You're such a dick." Scott was laughing, and this time, Stiles did too.

" Will you get him to call me when he's all better? I want to hear his voice."

" You got it. Let me know how Kira's presentation goes."

" Alright, talk to you later, Stiles. Love you."

" Love you too."

Stiles put his phone back into his pocket, his elbow poking into Derek's side, without him meaning for it to.

" I'm sorry for snapping at you like that. It wasn't fair. You didn't deserve it. I'm sorry."

" I'm sorry for pushing you. I didn't mean to. I'm just re-learning how to do this whole thing with you." Stiles didn't ask what thing, didn't say how their thing was long gone, how there was no thing for them to have, because they weren't the same people anymore, and they didn't know if they wanted a thing, with who they now were.

" Sorry about that panic attack too. Kind of embarrassing."

" Stop. It's still me. I know how those go. I know, Stiles."

" I got engaged. Three years ago. To a deputy that worked with dad." Derek's heart did this thing, that was painful and loud and uncomfortable. But he wrapped his fingers around his chair, and willed himself to stay. To soldier through whatever Stiles would say.

" Sawyer was taken once. Right after his second birthday. Some omega that wanted him as leverage, to force Scott into accepting him into his pack. We found him a few hours later, it didn't take us that long at all, but Sawyer was traumatized. Scott and Liam and even Isaac went into his room, and shifted, and told him almost everything about werewolves. He had to know that they weren't all bad, that they wouldn't hurt him, like that fucking omega had. But, I met her when I was picking Sawyer up from the station. She seemed nice enough. Funny. She made him laugh a lot, and I liked that. Dad liked her, wouldn't stop raving about her, once he saw I was interested. For the first time, since you left, I was genuinely interested. Six months after our first date, I proposed. She said yes, and I.. I was angry. Like, irrationally, unreasonably, unkindly, angry. And I **_hate_** being unkind. But, she was too accepting of how I lacked in almost everything. Like, even when I stopped trying, she never called me out on it. She never complained, never asked for more, even when she deserved it. And she did." Derek watched all those conflicting emotions, moving across Stiles' features, fleeting and shy and so fucking rushed, like he didn't give himself the time to feel any of it. Derek wasn't sure he was ready to know what happened next. So he didn't ask. Stiles carried on anyway.

" Two days before the wedding, she had her bachelorette party. I was just spending the night at home, with Scott, Isaac, Liam and Mason. A bunch of people from college and dad's work and lacrosse. It was storming that night, and I didn't bother telling her to be careful, or, anything. I stopped bothering with any of it. At, maybe 3 am or something, she was knocking on our front door, looking like an actual mess. She refused to come into the house, told me she needed to talk to me alone. So, I went out into the rain with her, started checking her over, to know if she was hurt, or something. She told me she cheated. She said, she'd just come from his room, straight to our house. In some fucked up way, I was still mad at her. We were about to get married. I was about to throw myself into something that I didn't want, that I wasn't sure I liked, just, to give myself something to do, to distract myself, to stop waiting. And she chose **_now_** , to tell me about her cheating?" Stiles laughed, but was so close to tears, Derek could see them, clinging to his eyelashes in despair.

" I told her it didn't matter. I didn't care. We could get through it. I- I told her I **_forgave_** her. Like I had any right, to even be mad, when I was the one who pushed and pushed and waited for her to leave too. So, she told me it wasn't the first time. Told me, they'd been friends for a while, then, the benefits came in. She, she asked how it took me this long to notice, how I never felt like anything was off, when I was supposed to be on my way to becoming a detective. The truth is, I didn't **_want_** to. I didn't care enough to. And that's disgusting. It makes me feel like **_shit_** , thinking of who I was back then. How I was. I swore I would never go back to that again. Would never let anyone, take me back to that place."

" Stiles, I," For the first time since he came back, Derek thought he'd made the wrong choice. He should have let them be. Shouldn't have stirred all of these horrible memories, revived all these things they'd buried within themselves, they'd locked away.

" I didn't lie, you know. When I said I got it, that I was happy for you. I was. I was glad you were getting out of this place, seeking things that would make you okay again. I just wasn't happy in general. And I loved you, and it hurt. It **_still_** , hurts. But,"

" Stiles?"

" Yeah?"

" I'm going to kiss you now."

" What?"

" I am. Right now." Derek was inching closer, and Stiles wasn't pulling away, and it'd been ten years and Derek missed him. He missed who he was with him there. He missed how he made him feel, how he made him want to feel, how he made him **_want_**.

" No, but,"

" It's happening." And then it did. Derek's lips were falling into the gap between Stiles', and it felt exactly how he'd remembered it to. Maybe Stiles wasn't Stiles and Derek wasn't Derek and there wasn't a thing between them, but this, **_this_** still felt the same. And the relief dawning on Derek was so overwhelming, it almost brought him to his knees. But then Melissa was there, clearing her throat, amusement glistening in her eyes, a hand on her chest, although, it failed to hide her pounding heart. Her scent was filled with good things though, and Derek wished he never had to exhale any of it.

" He's awake and asking for you." Stiles breathed out, looked back at Derek, with something lingering in his eyes, before he ran into Sawyer's room. Derek wanted to follow, but Melissa was studying him, like she was cataloguing all the ways he was different. And all the ways he wasn't.

" I can't believe you're actually back. Come here, we missed you." And Derek was being held again. He thought of his own mother, how similar, he remembered her holds to feel. Then, he thought of Cora, wondered if she'd remember how their mother felt, or if this would feel brand new to her.

" Are you here for good? You're not leaving us, again, are you?" She was holding his face, the way Sawyer had held Stiles'. He understood where he got it from. Melissa's kindness seemed to never let up, never fail.

" It looks like I'm going to be here for good this time, yeah." She laughed, standing on her tip toes and planting a kiss to his cheek, before she wrapped her arm around his waist, guiding him to Sawyer's room. He didn't know when he started counting as family. He didn't know how to tell her how much it meant, that she was giving him that. A family again.

When they walked into the room, Stiles had his fingers running through Sawyer's hair, his forehead barely touching against his, careful to not cause him any more pain, as they thought of animals that kind of looked like him, with that bandage circled around his head, covering the three stitches he ended up getting.

" Hey, Sawyer, how are you feeling now, bud?" Derek questioned, moving around his bed, putting his hand to his leg, to draw some of his pain away.

" I'm great! I don't even need your werewolf mojo anymore." Derek's eyes immediately widened, as he looked between Stiles and Melissa, for guidance.

" How did you figure that one out, kiddo?" Melissa asked, sitting by his feet, massaging them gently.

" My head was hurting in the cab, but Derek was holding me, and it stopped. He's like Scott, right? A nice werewolf?"

" He's a nice werewolf, yeah. Really nice." Stiles hid his blushing cheeks, when he leaned further into his brother, seemingly kissing his ticklish neck.

" I'm not exactly like Scott, though. My eyes are blue, not red, like his."

" Mine are blue too, but they're human eyes, like dad's. See?"

" Wow, they're awesome. We have something in common then." Derek inched closer, like he was genuinely taking in Sawyer's eyes. He then ruffled Sawyer's hair, causing him to chuckle, squirm, like he was trying to get away, but, not really.

" Two things; Stiles saved you from the pool. And now, he saved me too." Derek nodded past Stiles' stuttering heartbeat, wishing he could tell Sawyer, about all the other times Stiles saved him. Melissa leaned into Stiles' side, letting his head fall on hers, when he started feeling boneless, faint.

" Oh, let me call Scott, he's probably driving himself nuts by now." Stiles took out his phone, decided to facetime Scott, instead of just calling him. Scott picked up almost immediately, spewing out one question after the other, until Stiles turned the camera around for Scott to see Sawyer for himself, and the relief was instantaneous, it almost brought him to tears.

" I was so worried about you, bud, you're not in any pain, are you?"

" Nope, it doesn't hurt at all. Derek helped too."

" Huh? Derek, who? Is that a new nurse at the hospital?"

" No, he's a werewolf, like you, but with blue eyes."

" You should probably keep it down a little when you're talking about stuff like that, Sawyer, okay? Remember how we said those were family secrets?"

" I know, I remember, I'm not a **_child_** , Scott." Sawyer rolled his eyes. Stiles put a hand around his mouth, but the snort, still made it through.

" Kids these days. You're lucky I'm all the way over here, or, I would have kicked your flat ass,"

" Hey, language!" Melissa warned, stepping around Stiles, inching closer to the boys in an unwavering threat. Sawyer and Scott both sighed out their _"sorry, mum"_ s at the same time.

" Alright, we're going to take this one home now. I'll call you tomorrow, or something, after my shift."

" Yeah, sure. Oh, by the way, who's that werewolf Derek with blue eyes? Is it anyone I need to worry about?" Stiles shrugged, angled the camera towards Derek, who was so stunned, he couldn't register a reaction fast enough.

" Aren't you over the cardboard cutout phase by now? Did you have another one made of him?"

" That is such a low-blow, Scott, but it's not a cardboard cutout, asshole, it's the real thing." Derek moved a single hand into a wave then, watching Scott, as he brought his face so close to the camera, they could only see his magnified eye. But then he gasped, started calling out for Kira, like he needed confirmation, that it wasn't all in his head.

" Oh my God, Derek, what the hell are you doing back there? When did you come back? What? Holy shit, I can't believe this, you're actually back at Beacon Hills."

" Language."

" Not now, mum! This is unbelievable, we haven't heard from you in like, a decade. Oh man, now, I really want to go home. Why do I always miss all the cool shit?" Scott was still as vibrant and cartoonish as ever. Derek felt a tug around his heart, relieved and comforted and reassured. For a moment, it felt like he hadn't missed anything at all.

" Okay, you know what," Melissa had enough. She took the phone from Stiles' hand, handed it to Derek, who was laughing with his whole body. It made Stiles feel all giddy and squishy inside.

" I just came back today. I missed you too, man. I can't believe you're married now."

" I know, so crazy, right? I'm a few months away from graduating too. Life is really happening, dude."

" Yeah. I guess it is." Derek nodded, barely restraining himself from looking at Stiles, because life kind of started and ended with him.

" I gotta run, but, text me your number, or something. We seriously need to catch up, man. This is awesome, I'm so glad you're back, Derek, really."

" Thanks, Scott. It's good to be back. I'll call you later, give Kira my best."

" Alright, I'll wait for your after-shift call, Stiles. I need your take on this." Scott whistled, wiggled his eyebrows, like all the prior insinuating wasn't enough.

" He can still hear you, you fucking- I can't **_believe_** you. I'll call you back tomorrow morning." Stiles put his phone away, went to carry Sawyer to take him home, when Derek offered to do it. He was worried Stiles hadn't fully regained his strength, after the panic attack, and everything that followed. Stiles nodded. The _I trust you_ went unsaid.

" Mel, you coming with us?"

" No, honey, double shift today, remember? So I'll see you in the morning too, probably."

" Okay, see you then. Love you, mum." Stiles circled his arms around her, and squeezed, trying to push past the word he very rarely called her. It always felt like it was the first time to her.

" Oh, I love you too, kiddo. Now, get out of here, before I start crying." He laughed, kissing her on the cheeks, before completely detaching himself, walking down the hallway, where Derek was twirling, with Sawyer held in a piggyback. He stopped when he saw Stiles though, but that grin, never fell. Stiles felt like maybe he did though.

They headed back towards the house, Sawyer fell asleep, almost as soon as the night air started caressing his skin. Stiles offered to take him, but Derek declined with a head shake, and a tightened grip around Sawyer, like he was quite ready to let go yet.

" Dad taught him how to do that. What he did, when I had that panic attack? He asked dad to teach him, tell him what to do to help. Can you believe it? 5 years old, and he's already the one taking care of everyone around him."

" He's your brother, and Scott's. For some reason, that doesn't surprise me much."

" You're so full of shit." Stiles snorted.

" I'm serious!" Derek was jokingly defensive, trying to get his point across.

" Yeah, whatever. So, you asked about dad's accident, and since we're almost home, might as well get that out of the way."

" You don't have to, Stiles."

" I know. I just would rather get all the traumatic experiences out in one day." Derek nodded, trying not to wince, when Stiles' scent started turning sour again.

" It happened like, ten months ago? Yeah. I'd say so. Dad was at the station, and I was picking Sawyer up from school. It was dad's turn to, but I had the flu, so he took that shift for me, and I was supposed to take one of his, when I started feeling better. Melissa called me, in hysterics. I couldn't understand a single word she said, but, I just heard the word dad, and I immediately started driving to the hospital. It was a mess, there were so many people kind of raiding the ER. Scott was already there. He told me.. uh, well, there was a bombing at the station. Three officers killed. Seven injured. Dad was laying on top of two officers when they found him. They were the only two that barely got harmed at all." Stiles' eyes were excessively blinking, to keep the resurfacing tears at bay. His scent was worsening. Derek thought he'd suffocate on his grief.

" Dad had burns, almost, all over his body. Head trauma, four broken ribs, and part of the ceiling, collapsed right onto his leg, cutting right through it. They couldn't take it out, in fear of him, bleeding out. It had to be surgically removed. And. They couldn't save it. Could barely save him, at all. And that's when it happened. The panic attack started, and Sawyer and Scott tried to help, follow all the steps we normally took, but, I stopped breathing. Completely. Apparently, I was turning blue, when they shoved a tube down my throat, put me on a machine, to breathe for me. I woke up a day later, and Sawyer was still there. Melissa and Scott too. And dad had gone into his third surgery. He needed four more surgeries, so, seven in total. A week in the ICU, two weeks in a room. Months of therapy, both physical and otherwise. It was, close. Too close. I thought he was going to die. Hell, I thought I was going to die too. It felt like I was. Dying, I mean. Every single day, for maybe, two months after."

" God, Stiles,"

" Yeah," Stiles tried to laugh, sounded more like he was choking, " Fucking crazy few years. To be honest, sometimes, I still can't believe we're all here. I mean, dad started drinking again, did I tell you that?" Derek's eyes widened, saddened, as he shook his head.

" Yeah. He had some, really rough nights. He'd start yelling, absolute bullshit, spewing so much.. darkness and hate. We couldn't even keep Sawyer at the same house as him, it was killing him. He stayed with Mason's family for a while, only came back home, when dad was himself, and not this, tormented monster, threatening to kill himself, if anyone took the bottle away."

" Jesus fucking Christ," Derek didn't know what to say. Didn't know if there were words that could ever make this somehow better, make it go away.

" Dad isn't a bad man, Derek. You know him. He isn't. He was just, in so much pain. He lost his job, some of his best men and women. People that he spent most of his time with, they were just gone. And they didn't leave with any grace or dignity. It was gruesome. Fucking horrible. And then, one night, Melissa told him, it had to stop. Said, she loved him, and she did, she really, really, loved him, but she used to love Rafael too, and she left him, when it was Scott's well-being at stake. She threatened to do the same thing this time; for the kids. She- she kept telling him, she'll take the kids away, keep them safe, because if he was in his right mind, he would have wanted that for them. For us." Stiles looked like he was struggling to make sense of the words tumbling out of his mouth, like he desperately wanted Derek to understand, to not hold it against any of them. And he wouldn't. Of course, he wouldn't. He had his fair share of lapses. His unfair share of them too.

" He wasn't there when we woke up the next morning. We looked everywhere for him. We- I thought he'd offed himself. I thought he was gone. I wasn't even sure, we ever got him back, after that bombing. That, really, fucking sucked. It broke my heart, man." Derek could almost hear it. Could feel the pieces tearing at him. He swallowed, nodded, his voice scurrying away from all the words he couldn't form.

" Three days later, Mason called. Said dad showed up and asked to see Sawyer. We found them in the living room, watching some Disney movie, and, it was the first time dad actually looked like himself. Like, my dad, you know. God. Melissa broke down, we had to leave her alone, with dad, who couldn't stop crying once she'd started. Scott heard her saying how she thought she'd have to lose him too, how, she kind of wanted to be selfish, to be a wife first, then a mother, but Melissa is a saint, when it comes down to it, she'd put everyone else first. Dad too. He hasn’t had a single drink since. Goes to physiotherapy when he's supposed to. Works out, eats right, talks to his therapist as much as he can. He couldn't stop apologizing, for maybe three months after. Constantly. All the fucking time. But he's doing so much better, now. I honestly can't fucking believe it, sometimes. He's a trooper, he's just, brilliant." Derek was spiraling, feeling the past ten years bombarding him, like what took them years to get through, he had to absorb right away, and move past it, because they already had. He wanted to tell Stiles that he was the trooper, that he didn't understand how he made it through all that, and still kept his undeniable capacity to give and understand and **_love_**. Stiles loved like no one else could. And God, did Derek just.. love him.

When they got to the house, Stiles sighed, before unlocking the front door, leading the way, to try to ease his father's reaction to seeing Sawyer hurt. The sheriff's smile fell as soon as he saw them, and he was on his feet, disregarding how itchy his artificial limb usually was, how his bottom half was still aching, since the last physiotherapy session.

" What happened to him? Is he okay? Stiles," The sheriff was trying to push past Stiles, move him away, or move around him, but he was losing his balance, and his grip, and a bunch of other things that Stiles couldn't keep up with, as he put his hands to his father's shoulders, and yelled out for him to stop.

" Dad," Stiles sighed, at the open hurt spreading across his father's worried features, " He's okay. He's just sleeping. He lost his footing and fell into the pool, and hurt his head on the fall. We took him to the hospital, but Melissa said it was barely anything. I promise, he's fine. Nothing happened, dad." The sheriff deflated, squeezed his eyes shut like he was physically pained. Stiles helped him back to the couch, fixed the belt of his artificial limb, knowing that his father still couldn't put it on properly, by himself.

" I'm sorry I yelled, dad. Okay?" The sheriff was immediately shaking his head, pulling his son away from the ground, and into his arms, patting his back reassuringly, kindly.

" It's okay. Everything is okay." Derek couldn't tell, who was more in need of the reassurance. But then, Sawyer was waking up, pulling his arms out, until he was in his father's lap, his ears right where his heart was beating, his hands between the sheriff's, held and touched and comforted.

" I think I'm going to call the station, tell them I can't come in for my shift."

" That's unnecessary, Stiles, go do your job."

" I can't just leave you two alone, dad. You can't take care of him by yourself, and he's hurt, I should stay, keep an eye on him, help around here."

" Or, I, uh, I could stay. At least until you're back, or, as long as you need me to?" All eyes turned to Derek, including Sawyer's.

" Thanks, for offering, Derek, but,"

" That's a great idea!"

" Dad, what? No, it's not."

" Yes, it is. We have a lot of catching up to do anyway. And Sawyer seems to like him well enough, right, bud?"

" Yes, I have so many questions, and,"

" So, it's settled. Come over here, make yourself at home." Derek laughed, shrugging at Stiles, before settling on the couch, so close to the sheriff and Sawyer, he could feel their body heat, radiating onto him.

" What the hell? So, **_nobody_** here needs me? Or, would rather have me around for the night? Anyone?" They all exchanged looks between them, before shaking their heads simultaneously.

" Assholes, you're all a bunch of assholes, wow, **_screw you_**. Not you dad, because that'll be weird, but you two? Screw you." As soon as they started laughing, so did Stiles, climbing up the stairs to his room, to take a shower and change into his uniform.

He was walking down the stairs, and Derek was climbing them. They both stopped, laughed at how they seemed to be gravitating around each other. Derek's eyes moved away from Stiles', taking in his bitten lips, the muscles straining the fabric of his tucked-in shirt, and how the pants hugged his thighs, revealing every way they rose and fell and sank and protruded. Derek heard a groan, didn't know it was his, until Stiles' eyes widened, his lips tilting just enough, in careful amusement.

" You didn't tell me you were going to be wearing **_that_** to work." Derek climbed another step. Stiles remained still.

" Uh, I work at a police station? I'm a deputy? What did you think I was going to wear; a fucking highland dress?" Derek didn't want to tell him that he was already picturing him in that too. So, he didn't say anything at all, just took another step, and hoped they would run out soon.

" I like your new hair, by the way. Did I ever tell you that?" It gave Derek more room to run his fingers through Stiles' hair, touch more of him.

" Thank you? I guess? **_Now_** , can I go to work?" Another step, and Derek's chest was beating into Stiles', and Stiles' breathing was blowing through Derek's hair, and they were so close, achingly close, Derek could almost taste the longing in Stiles' eyes, could feel the lust scratching at his throat.

" Stiles, that kiss, at the hospital, you were okay with that, right?" Stiles tilted his head to the side; confused, but the curve of his bare neck almost drove Derek **_nuts_**.

" You know I would never touch you against your will. I- I wouldn't do that, to you. Would never do anything that you don't want. I-"

" Derek, hey, **_of course_** , I know that. I trust you. I always have. I know what kind of person you are, and I know you would never do anything like that. That at least, I know. I'm sure of it." _I'm sure of you_ , Stiles almost said, but felt that maybe he didn't need to. Hoped that Derek would understand anyway. Derek nodded, misery slowly melting away from his eyes.

Stiles' phone rang, he said he had to run to work, thanked Derek for helping out, before walking around him, yelling out his goodbyes to his father and brother, and running out the door. Derek contemplated jerking off, but decided against it, walking down the stairs, and into the kitchen, when they started discussing snacks and movies and long nights. They watched two Harry Potter movies, the sheriff ruining almost all the twists, before they ever happened. Sawyer started asking about vampires and werewolves-that-were-actual-wolves, and if they could control the color of their fur. Derek asked about the details of his inquiries, until Sawyer admitted to watching the Twilight Saga, which- seriously? Twilight? Out of all the films about mythical creatures, it had to be Twilight? Sawyer then went on to explain that it was all Lydia's fault, since she had this Pattinson phase. He then asked if he was team Jacob or Edward and Derek had **_enough_**.

At around midnight, Derek carried Sawyer to his room, gave him the meds Melissa recommended, checked his forehead for fever, which he thankfully didn't find, before going back to the living room. The sheriff handed him a shirt and sweatpants, in case he needed to get comfortable –which he did, it'd been a long day-, before deciding, it was time for him to sleep as well. He'd call Melissa first, of course, then he'd sleep. Derek helped him up the stairs, without him ever needing to ask. He took off his artificial limb for him, looked away, when it was just what was left of the sheriff's leg there, a constant reminder of all he'd lost. Gratitude saturated the sheriff's accepting features, as he patted Derek's hands, whispering out his _"goodnight, son"_ just as Melissa picked up the phone, sounding all loved up.

Derek was in the shower, at three in the morning, when his phone rang, and he let it go to voicemail.

" Derek, you're probably asleep by now, but, I need you to be aware of your surroundings, okay? At least until I'm home. Don't let dad or Sawyer leave the house, I don't care how urgent they make it seem, it's not worth it. I- maybe I should send a couple of deputies, just in case, I don't know." Derek turned off the water, immediately picked up, when he heard the worry in Stiles' voice, the helplessness.

" Stiles? What is it? What's wrong?"

" Derek," Stiles sighed out his name, and it sounded like plea, like despair, " We have some intel on that asshole who carried out that bombing at the station. We're going to try to get him, but he might lash out, and try to strike first. Here at the station again, or at home, to get to dad, I- I don't know. Just be careful. Take care of them, Derek, **_please_**."  

" Of course. Don't worry, I've got them. But what about you? Are you safe?"

" I'll be fine. I just need to get this done. I need him gone. You know?"

" Can I do anything to help?"

" You are." Derek thought Stiles was probably smiling. " Thank you, Derek."

" Call me if anything happens, Stiles. Good or bad. Just, call me."

" Sure. I'll keep you posted. Have a good night."

" Stiles, I," It was right there, clinging to the tip of his tongue. And he was going to spit it out, was going to say it until Stiles believed it. Until it mattered.

" Not now. Not yet, Derek. I'm sorry. I- I'm just sorry." Derek went back under the shower, long after the water started getting uncomfortably cold.

Three hours later, it was time for one of the sheriff's meds. Derek was by the door, looking out the window, straining all his senses, trying to pick up something. Just- anything. The sheriff shifted in his bed, moved to the nightstand, where his meds were, and a glass of water that Stiles had left for him. Derek went into the room, and told him everything. The sheriff took it all in, nodded, and started heading towards Sawyer's room. He fell into the bed, clung to his son, and promised Derek to make a few calls, if they didn't hear from Stiles by 10 am.

They didn't. And Derek was **_losing_** it. He made them breakfast, while the sheriff made those calls, and Sawyer told all those stories. The calls didn't go anywhere, no one was picking up. And then, he heard it; gunshots. Too many for him to count. Too many for one body to fit around. He dropped the bowl of cereal, and the sound of it crashing, did nothing to drown out everything else. Lydia was calling from college, asking the sheriff questions that were haphazard and random and pointless. She told him she woke herself up screaming. And Derek was running through the streets before he ever decided to.

He could smell blood. So much of it. Too much. He staggered, almost fell, leaned against a garbage can and dry heaved. He could smell lead too, coated with panic and fear and anger. There were too many clashing sounds, when he pushed his way into the station. There weren't many familiar faces. No one paid him any mind, gave him any attention, distracted by the ensuing chaos, the utter loss of control. And then he saw him, with his hands moving around him, materializing the orders he seemed to be yelling out.

Derek kind of collapsed, kind of crashed, right into Stiles' back, his arms circled around his waist, his stomach, his chest. Touching and poking and making sure everything still felt the same. He didn't realize he was gasping out, like he was dying, until Stiles was turning in his arms, taking his face into his hands, and telling him to breathe.

" Ca- can't. I can't. You- you didn't call. Stiles. I- I told you to- to call." The smell of blood was crawling up his throat, lumping and solidifying and staying, until he couldn't swallow past it, couldn't even swallow it away.

" I'm sorry. I'm sorry, Derek. We were swarmed, and, people got hurt, and, I didn't **_think_**. I wasn't thinking, I'm sorry. I'm okay, look, open your eyes, look at me, I'm fine." Derek didn't know they were closed. But he obliged, because, what else was he supposed to do, when Stiles was sounding so terrified and pleading. And Stiles was right there; nearby and familiar and overwhelming. If Derek could silence the buzzing in his ear of _he's dead, he's gone, it's too late_ , he probably would have heard his heartbeat, easing back into a pace that didn't sound like it was trying to outrun him. Derek breathed again.

" Hey there," Stiles whispered, an exhausted smile curved around his lips.

" You're the **_worst_**." Derek groaned, pulling his face away from Stiles' hands, and dropping it into his shoulder.

" I know, I'm sorry." He kind of sounded it. Derek believed it anyway.

" Did you get him?"

" Yeah, we did. He came out, guns blazing. Four deputies were hurt, one of them, in critical condition. No one died, though. But we got him. Finally. He's gone." Derek tightened his grasp on Stiles, thought he heard the sound of him breaking beneath his weight.

" I love you."

" What?"

" I love you. I have been in love with you. It's kind of ridiculous, really, how much of it there is in my heart. I don't want to wait anymore. I don't- I can't afford for something to happen to you, and- you just had to know. I love you, Stiles. So much."

" Derek,"

" You don't have to say it back. Don't have to say anything. I just needed you to know. Needed to get it out, before it killed me." Stiles' heart was thundering, roaring, screaming something out that Derek couldn't quite understand. Stiles put his hands around Derek's arm, tugged, rather harshly, as he dragged his figure into the sheriff's old office, closing the door behind them, and throwing Derek's arm away, like it hurt.

" How long?"

" What?"

" How _**long**_ , you fucking asshole? How long has it been since you started feeling that way? Huh?" Stiles was infuriated. But there was something else there, and it was layered so discretely, that no one could ever see through it.

" Since Jackson's thing. When Scott made me bite him, and you stopped talking to him for weeks."

" I can't believe you. I can't- all this fucking time, and you choose now, to tell me?"

" I wanted to-"

" You left, Derek. Is that what you do to those you love? Is that how it works for you? Because I don't fucking want it. I'm not going to put myself through that again. Not for you, not for anyone."

" We were together before I left, Stiles. I thought you understood. You said,"

" I know what I said. I know that. And I meant it. I still, mean it. But that doesn't make this okay. You, telling me you- you love me? What am I supposed to do with that? What if you leave again? Then what?"

" I won't."

" But what if you **_do_**?" Stiles yelled it out so carelessly, it scratched his throat, broke his voice a little. Derek's eyebrows furrowed, when Stiles chose to answer his phone. It was the sheriff, and he briefly explained what happened, promising to tell him more when he was home. When the sheriff started asking about Derek, Stiles told him he had to go.

" Stiles," Derek felt like he was the only one trying. And it hurt to watch as every bit of Stiles, started to let go.

" Listen, Derek. I don't want to fight. I don't think I have it in me, to do this with you. To do, anything, with you. I'm just.. done. Okay? I'm done."

" Why are you doing this? All those, those signs, and your words, and, even your fucking smell. Is this some kind of payback, Stiles? Because I said I was sorry. I'll say it again and again and,"

" It's not enough. It's not going to **_be_** enough. I have nothing against you. I really don't. And seeing you, felt nice. Felt familiar and safe. And that will never change. But. But just like I have nothing against you, I have nothing towards you either. You went away, and that- that love you speak of, grew in you, because you let go of all the other shit inside you. I didn't. And I'm not going to. There's nothing here, Derek. We were fucking stupid, to think that we could just wait, change in all the right ways, and still, work. Still fit. It's not going to happen for us. It was never going to. I'm sorry. I-" Derek swore he saw Stiles' lips, breathlessly, formed around an _I love you_ _too_. But Stiles shook his head, reeked of defeat, as he took his badge and gun back into his hands.

" I need to get back to work." And then, Stiles was gone. And Derek wondered, if he'd ever been there at all.

Stiles was done with his shift around 5 pm. Normally, he'd be done by noon, but with all that had happened, he had paperwork to get through, witnesses to take their statements, officers to re-locate. It was a lot. He drove to the hospital, to check on the injured officers, instead of going home. There was nothing for him to do for them, so, he finally answered his phone, after approximately twelve missed calls from Scott, and  three texts from Kira –who was probably just letting Scott use her phone, like that would make Stiles pick up any faster-.

" I'm not even home yet, that's why I didn't call. It was a crazy day at work, but I'm fine. No need to worry."

" It's been hours. I called dad –he called John that now, it did things to his heart, good things- and he said you got the guy? From the bombing?"

" We did."

" Holy shit, Stiles, that's incredible! How come you don't sound happy, though?"

" I'm happy. Of course, I'm happy. It was just stressful, and scary, and, yeah. I'm happy, though."

Scott didn't believe it. Stiles knew that Scott wouldn't. But, they started talking about college and projects and experiments and due dates, and they never once mentioned Derek, which, should have been a sign, to be honest, it should have raised some flags in Stiles' head. Because, when he got home, Melissa was sleeping, after her double shift, and John was laying with her too. Sawyer was watching –rewatching- one of the Avengers' movies, looking like he could fall asleep, but he shoved Stiles away, when he told him he'd carry him to his room.

So, Stiles went to his room, prepared to take a shower, change out of these bloody clothes, and crash. But if the crashing came first, he wouldn't mind that much. He didn't bother with turning on the lights, started taking off his clothes immediately, feeling disgusting. He blindly moved his hands around his cupboard, until he grasped a clean towel, walked towards the bathroom, and decided, he should probably turn **_those_** lights on, if he didn't want to slip and break his neck. But, there was a figure across his bed, covered in all the clothes he took off the night before, sleeping, like it didn't mean to, and-

" Jesus fucking Christ, Derek, what the hell are you doing in here?" Derek jumped, eyes wide, until they fell on Stiles. He yawned, snuggled closer to Stiles' pillow, careless and unbothered.

" I must have accidentally fallen asleep. Didn't sleep all night."

" Uh, okay? Why are you still here?"

" Where else would I be?" Derek squinted a single eye opened, and it was filled with so much sadness, so much despair, Stiles almost crumbled.

" I don't know, it's not my problem. Go back to your sister, or, your family property, or something. Anywhere, Derek. You could go anywhere."

" I could. But I don't want to." Stiles groaned, throwing the clean towel away, giving up on that shower too, probably.

" Did you completely miss the thing that happened back at the station? Derek, I,"

" No, no. My turn to talk now. You, listen. Yes, I've been in love with you for years. Arguably, since I met you. But certainly, for no less than twelve years. And yes, I left, but you were never stupid, Stiles. You knew there was something there. You **_had_** to have known I felt something for you."

" What difference did it make? You left, anyway."

" I was useless, Stiles. I had no pack, was no longer an alpha, hell, I was barely even a werewolf. **_And_** , I was injured, and bleeding half to death. There was nothing that I could have done or given to you. There was nothing left in me. I was all out, of everything. And you deserved better than that. That will never change, okay? You will **_always_** deserve better than me. But I had to at least try to be anything that's worthy of you. Anywhere near it." Derek was moving, approaching, closing in.

" It wasn't your place. It will never be your place to tell me, what I do or don't deserve."

" Fine. Fair enough. But I did say goodbye. I gave you all the information I had, about where I would be, who I would be with. I didn't just leave you."

" It didn't make it easier. Didn't make it better."

" I know, Stiles. It wasn't easy on me either."

" Yeah, that's why it took you ten years to come back?" Stiles moved away, right when Derek was close enough to touch. 

" It took me ten years to stop punishing myself, by punishing you. To, forgive, maybe, a portion of all the shit that happened, and understand, that I've lost enough. I've sacrificed enough. That, I don't **_need_** to give you up too, so that some greater power spares me, or those I love. Even now, ten years later, I'm standing in front of you, and I'm **_terrified_** , fucking scared shitless, that something bad will happen, that I'll end up losing you anyway. But I'm here. And I'm not leaving again. It doesn't matter, if I have one day left with you, or, one lifetime. I'll take it. However long it may be, I'm spending it with **_you_**."

" What if I don't want you to?" Stiles sounded just as scared as Derek was. But there was a clarity in his eyes, a certainty in the steps he took away from Derek, knowing that he'd follow. Derek thought, Stiles just wanted to be fought for. 

" You're a liar."

" No, I'm not." He was. He really, really, was.

" Yes, you are. But I probably deserve all the shit you said. Maybe even more. So, I won't tell you to stop. I won't fight back. I'll hear, whatever you need to say to me. And then I'll stay anyway." Stiles blinked twice, wiping against his cheeks, as soon as the tears came. He scoffed, pushed past Derek, mumbling something about taking a shower.

" I'll be here." Derek called out, but it sounded like _I will wait for you this time_.

When Stiles came out of the bathroom, the bed was unmade, one of his shirts missing, and Derek wasn't there. He wore his pajamas, left his hair to dry on its own, before walking down the stairs, to the living room. Sawyer had his head in Derek's lap. Derek was moving his fingers through his hair, like, he'd once done for Stiles, all those years ago. There was this aching smile around his lips, his features equal parts loving and longing. Stiles walked past them, into the kitchen. He opened almost all the drawers, and cupboards, slamming each of them shut. He didn't feel any better, and it infuriated him further.

He walked back into the living room, like a man on a mission. Derek was looking at him, expectant, welcoming, not at all worried. So, Stiles inched closer, taking three long steps, to not give Derek the time to think, to react, as he rested his weight to Derek's side, that Sawyer wasn't already preoccupying. He took his face into his hands, put his lips to his cheek, and planted a kiss. Harsh and purposeful, like it was meant to hurt. Then, when Derek didn't stop him, he planted another. Softer now, hopeful. Then, his lips moved to Derek's ear, whispered –groaned- out his _"I love you too, okay? Happy now?"._ Derek's cheeks were replaced by his lips. His hands ripped away from Sawyer's hair, and touched every inch of Stiles that they could reach. Derek was thinking _home, love, happy, happy, happy_. Stiles was thinking _finally, worth it, love, love, home_.

" By the way, Stiles, _**Twilight**_? Really?" 

" I know what you're going to say, but it's actually not that bad,"

" No."

" The storyline is a bit weak, but,"

" Stiles, **_no_**."

" But the love story,"

" Fuck, no."

And they were laughing into each other's mouths, and it was so easy, so right. And maybe they would be one of those couples, fighting about who loved the other more, who loved them first, who loved them for longer, and it would never go anywhere, because Stiles loved like no one else could, but, **_Derek_**. Oh, Derek loved Stiles, like he couldn't love anyone else. Not even himself. And really, who could ever say, that one kind love, meant more than the other.

**Author's Note:**

> Probably one of my favorite parts of this series !!


End file.
